hether you are widowed or divorced
and looking for another partner, or single and wanting the right person to fill a gap in
your life, the Lord has someone special for you. Are you feeling frustrated and thinking
it won’t happen? Maybe you just can’t seem to find the right person. Well,
don’t be despondent. I want to share with you from my own experiences just how to get
a partner who will meet your every need and desire and have you rejoicing at what the Lord
has done and how good He has been to you.
I really believe that the Lord wants a partner for each person, and one
who will complement and fill the gaps where things are lacking in the other person. In the
Garden of Eden after the Lord had created Adam he said, "It is not good that man
should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him." The Lord made man in
such a way that he would only be complete with a partner at his side. Unless the Lord has
specifically called you to be on your own so you can minister more effectively for Him, I
believe that each person can find a partner and become one with him or her.
So let me start without rambling on any more! Just before I begin,
I’d like to mention that I’m going to be writing from the point of view of a
woman finding a husband, so I will continually talk about ‘him’. Nevertheless,
the principles are exactly the same for a man looking for a wife.
If you’ve read my article on Bulldozing through Prayer Problems, I
mention there about being specific in your requests to the Lord. It is important in
anything you want from the Lord, but it is essential when you are looking for a
life’s partner. This should be your starting point. If you’ve been praying,
"Lord, I need a partner. Please give me one," the Lord will say,
"Sure," but there will be very little for the angels to work with to bring your
desire to you.
The one thing I’ve learnt about the Lord over the past few years
especially, is that He will NEVER impose His will on you! You have to give Him the
authority to work on your behalf, and the angels need to know exactly what you want so
they can bring it to pass. He could bring you a husband if you pray like that, but He
desires so much to bless you and it gives Him pleasure to give you the very best,
according to your desires. In James chapter 1 it says that God gives every good gift and
every perfect gift. I believe we can stand on this promise for a partner.
Both times that I met my husbands I did what I’m going to share
with you now, and the Lord honored my requests in a wonderful way. The first thing to do
is to sit down with a pen and paper and think about exactly what you’re looking for
in a partner. The spiritual qualities are the most important especially if you are looking
for a Christian and wish to walk closely with the Lord and work for Him. Tell the Lord
what you’d like him to be like. Maybe you’d like someone who’s already in
the ministry so you can minister with him. If you have a burden to work with young people
maybe you could ask for someone who’s already involved in that type of work so that
you can flow with him and complement him.
Mental or emotional aspects come next. What do you want him to be like?
Strong and macho, or loving and gentle? Do you want him to be a strong leader? Then you
can include desires about what he must be like, generally. Maybe you want someone who
likes skiing so you can enjoy the snow together, or if you enjoy outdoor life you can ask
for someone who likes doing the same thing.
Express your desires in the negative sense too. For example, if you
absolutely loathe sports it’s not going to be good if your husband is a sports coach
and is constantly at baseball games. If you do not want something, then make it known on
the list as well. Remember, you’re beginning to form a picture of what you want, and
when you have a clear picture in your mind then your faith can begin to form in a much
better and quicker way.
Physical aspects come last, but they are nevertheless important. Must
your husband be tall or short, blond or dark-haired? What color must his eyes be? Maybe
you want someone who’s pretty slim and trim, or perhaps you want a well-built,
strong, muscular person who likes working out and being fit. Just write it down as you
think of it, and begin to visualize him in your mind. To me the physical side wasn’t
a major factor to me. My present husband, Les is a bit shorter than what I was used to,
but it wasn’t a big problem for me. I knew he was the right person and a few inches
height difference didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to reject him just for this
reason. It depends on you, though. You have to make the choice as to whether you accept or
reject who you meet. The Lord will never force it on you.
When you’ve written all of these things down, take the paper, hold
it up to the Lord and read out what you’ve written down. Say something like this.
"Lord, I’m asking you for a husband, and these are the things that I desire in
him…" then read out the list. Now stick it up on a wall or place where you will
continually see it. Sometimes the fridge door is a good place or next to your computer.
Review your list out loud daily, preferably morning and night, and
thank the Lord that He’s heard you and given you your heart’s desire. To make it
more powerful, you can add some scripture promises to it, like "Whatsoever things you
desire, when you pray believe that you receive them and you shall have them." You can
quote that scripture, then read out your list and say, "In the Name of Jesus I thank
you Lord that I have received my husband from you. He is …" and then read off
the list you’ve made up. Remember, too, to visualize him as you speak out your list.
Let’s face it, if the Lord brings someone your way and you haven’t got a mental
picture in your mind of who you want, how will you know if he’s the right person or
not?
As you continue to do this you may not feel anything building up inside
of you, and at times it may seem that you aren’t likely to meet anyone because your
circumstances seem to be pointing that way, but don’t give up. One day, suddenly, you
will know without a shadow of a doubt that you have your desire. It’s kind of like a
cork suddenly popping off a bottle. You just suddenly know you have him. The angels are
working continually, and the Lord is directing things that you cannot see to bring about
this desire. You just have to trust Him because He is working for you!
When you reach that point of knowing it is no longer necessary to
confess your list unless you want to review it just for yourself. You should have a pretty
good picture of what you want in your partner by now. Now all you have to do is thank the
Lord and await His perfect timing to meet. Sometimes it can take a long time depending on
what you’re asking for and how fussy you are. When my step-daughter prayed for her
husband it took 3 years before she got her desire, and we had to move overseas for it to
happen. I’m not saying this is what will take place with you, but the Lord could make
a way for you to move your location or job in order to fulfill your desire. Just be open to
His leading.
Well, now that I’ve given some pointers, here’s the
‘proof of the pudding’ so to speak! Here is our story to show you how it
happened with us.
DAPHNE’S STORY
n 1989 I felt like my world would fall apart
after the death of my first husband in January of that year. I had tended to rely on him a
lot and he’d always helped me with decision-making and taking charge of things, so
now all of a sudden I was on my own and responsible for things that would happen.
It was really hard for me to come to grips with things, but it
didn’t take long for me to decide that I wanted another husband. I really believed
that the Lord could give me one and felt I could ask Him for one because I knew He cared
about me and wanted the best for me. However, at that time I didn’t know what I do
now about exercising my faith. The only thing I knew I must do is to be specific.
So, armed with that simple knowledge and doing what I’d done
before I met Mike, I made up a list of my desires of what I wanted in my new husband. I
had had quite a lot of exposure to dealing and sharing with people on a more personal
level while I was married to Mike, so I decided I wanted to carry on with this in my
second marriage because I enjoyed it. I decided marrying a pastor might be quite a nice
idea because I’d always wanted to get involved in full-time ministry.
A short while after all this I visited my ex in-laws in Durban, South
Africa, and it was here that the Lord boosted my faith tremendously and really encouraged
me to continue trusting Him. After a prayer meeting one afternoon the pastor’s wife
of the church I was visiting gave a prophetic word. I knew without a shadow of doubt that
she was referring to me because every fear, every doubt, and every concern that I had
about being on my own was addressed in that word. The Lord gave me guidance and direction
through it, and then at the end she said, "Delight yourself also in the Lord and He
will give you the desire of your heart." I knew exactly what she was referring to
here – my husband.
That word gave me a tremendous boost of encouragement and I knew I just
needed to trust the Lord. When I returned to Johannesburg where I lived, I had to leave my
job because it became a bit too pressurized and I was battling to cope with it. I was
rather devastated at the time, but the Lord worked it for good because He led me to work
for a wonderful Christian guy who I already knew from Christian meetings we had once a
week during our lunch break.
During this time I joined various Christian singles groups and wondered
if the Lord would lead me to meet my husband at one of these groups. I also attended
various Christian camps where I came into contact with a lot of other young people, but
nothing seemed to materialize. I got a bit despondent at times, but still kept up my trust
in the Lord.
Then after about 4 months of working for Stuart he showed me a
magazine, one day, which contained an article about a Christian couple who ran an
introductory club. He suggested I join them. I must admit the idea set off a spark in me,
but I only got round to doing something about it a month or so later.
The club ran on this basis. You filled in a form of basic details, what
you wanted from your partner, and what your basic desire was in a partner. I put there,
‘To marry a pastor and go into ministry’. I thought afterwards that maybe it was
a little bit weird and a bit restrictive. However I later discovered it was exactly what I
needed to put.
I was a member of the Club for 2 months and nothing really came up. I
met one person and was phoned a few times, but I didn’t feel totally comfortable with
them and they were not exactly what I desired in a partner. In the meantime I just kept
busy and got involved in my work to try and keep as positive as I could.
Then one day I received a phone call from a guy who seemed to know
quite a lot about me, i.e. the fact that I was widowed, how old I was, etc. He asked if he
could ask me a few questions for a survey that he was doing for a Singles Association or
something. I accepted, but he turned out to be rather disgusting and it turned into an
obscene phone call.
I immediately thought maybe someone who was not a Christian had somehow
got hold of my information, and thought it might be wise to cancel my membership and
forget about it. Satan was just trying his last ditch attempt to prevent Les and I from
meeting, because at the time I got the phone call Les was himself at the Club and had been
given my name as a prospect. The very thing I’d put at the end about marrying a
pastor and going into ministry with him was what immediately attracted him. Even though I
wanted to cancel my membership the Lord prevented me from getting through to them by the
allocated time that night.
I was outside in a flat on my property when I thought I heard the phone
ring but wasn’t sure and decided to move it further down the house in case someone
did call. As I walked inside to move it, it rang again and I ran to answer it. It was Les
on the other end. I immediately felt a flood of excitement that practically overwhelmed me
and I felt totally comfortable with him. Even though we were total strangers to each
other, we talked for quite a while.
We met the following evening and went to a musical presentation at my
boss’s church. It was wonderful. When we returned to my house later on we had a
prayer time because Les wanted to confirm that I was the right person. I didn’t need
any confirmation. I felt totally at peace. The Lord gave him a prophetic word that I was
in the right place at the right time. He also showed Les that He would give me the ability
to look after his 3 daughters well because he had custody of them and I hadn’t had
any children at all. They were 10, 12 and 14 at the time.
We were married 3 months later and the Lord threw me in the deep end to
learn all about being in ministry. It was exciting and traumatic at times and not without
stress as He revealed and discarded things in me that would stand in the way of me being
effective for Him. But one thing I can say, He definitely gave me the very best. I’ve
never had a more fulfilling 8 years than I have up till now. It was worth the wait to meet
him.
LES’ STORY
aph has told you her side of the story, so now
here’s the longer version. Hey, you can’t listen to a preacher without getting
preached at. (;-)
My pain and loneliness began when my wife of 16 years left me for
someone else. This was devastating and nearly destroyed my ministry. I will not go into
any detail about this, but I have said more in my article on Divorce, where I have covered
some important principles involved where Christians are divorced. Suffice it to say that I
was left as a single parent, with three young daughters to care for and a life of extreme
loneliness.
The Lord had taught me many things concerning living a life of faith
and trusting Him for answered prayer, but it had been over 16 years since I had ever faced
a situation of having to find a partner. It was difficult enough when I was a single young
person, and since I didn’t have the kind of physical qualities that would attract
most women, I was placed in a rather frightening situation. Coupled with this was
the fact that I had three daughters that my new wife would have to accept. It made
my chances pretty slim.
But I knew that with God all things were possible, and I knew that I
could trust the Lord to bring me another wife. I had faced problems in my previous
marriage through having a partner who did not fully share or understand my commitment to
the Lord and the ministry that he had given me. I was determined that when the Lord
brought me a new wife, she would have to fit into some very specific qualities.
So I began to formulate a picture in my mind of the kind of wife I
would really like to have. This was something I had been doing for a long while, even
during my previous marriage. Though I had never entertained the idea of ending my
marriage, I had always prayed and hoped that the Lord could change my wife and give her
some of the qualities that would make her a perfect helper for me in the work of the Lord.
Now that I was freed from the previous marriage, through a series of
events that left me legally and scripturally free to remarry, I was very specific about
the kind of wife I wanted. She would be first and foremost someone who really loved the
Lord and wanted to give her all for His Kingdom. She would be prepared to stand with me in
the ministry and minister at my side as a true helper.
And since I had learned that the Lord always gives good things, and He
had promised me the best, I also laid out some specific qualities as to talents, abilities
and even physical characteristics. Shortly afterwards the Lord gave me a vision, in which
I saw a lanky woman with short blond hair, slightly taller than me and much younger
looking than my previous wife. I figured I would be marrying a much younger woman, and
also realized that she would possibly be young enough to still want children. I warned my
own children that they might have another sibling once I remarried.
That done, I daily praised the Lord for my new wife. As I prayed I saw
the angels of God surrounding her and me and bringing us together. I began to write poetry
for her in advance, telling her how much she meant to me, and looking forward to the day
we would meet. I began to pray for her daily, wherever she might be, and asked the Lord to
somehow join us together in the Spirit and seal our relationship so that nothing could
prevent us from meeting each other.
And then I stood and waited. I knew that the Lord would choose the
right woman for me and that He would bring her to me. Since I was involved in ministry, I
figured that one day I would probably be standing there preaching and this woman would
walk in the door. We would see each other and both know instantly that we were meant for
each other. But alas time went by and it did not happen. The loneliness particularly over
the weekends was unbearable. And I cried out to the Lord to do something.
But the Lord first began to deal with my attitudes. He showed me that I
needed too badly, and that I should need no one but Him. I had needed my previous wife too
much, and had depended on her strengths at times instead of being what the Lord wanted me
to be. The Lord reminded me also that I had responsibilities to my children, and I needed
to get my life in order before He could bring me the right partner.
As I began to see these things and deal with them in my life, I came
finally to a resolve that I was happy to be where the Lord wanted me to be. And I was
happy to wait until the time was right for a new person in my life. I told my children
that I did not expect to find a new wife for a while yet and that I was going to give them
more attention.
Then one night as I was reading the Word, the Lord drew my attention to
a passage of Scripture that just leapt out at me. It was the account of where Saul had
disobeyed the Lord and had been rejected by God. Samuel was praying to the Lord and
weeping for Saul. He was grieved about what had happened. And God told Samuel that he must
stop weeping for Saul, but go out and anoint someone else to be king. God told him to go
the house of Jesse, and that when he arrived there, he would be told which of Jesse’s
sons would be the new king.
Then the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He told me to stop grieving
over my ex wife and go find a new one. He also told me that He was not going to choose my
wife for me. That was my responsibility. However He said that He would show me where to
find someone suitable. I was to go looking like Samuel, and when I got there He would tell
me who the right person was. This was the first time the thought ever entered my mind that
I might have to go and find a wife. But where do I look?
Not long after this I was riding along in my car, when I saw the
headlines for the local news, and it was concerning a huge earthquake that had shaken
California. I don’t normally buy the newspaper, but the story interested me, so I
pulled up to a newsstand and bought the paper. I took it home, but actually didn’t
get around to reading it. Then my children came to me and started to nag. We had found a
couple of mice in the house, and they insisted that the best way to get rid of them was to
get a cat. The nagging part was because they knew how much I love cats. NOT!!
Anyway, the paper finally became useful, and I picked it up to check
the smalls section to see if anyone was giving away cats. There didn’t appear to be
any, but as I scanned the pages I came across the personal section, and there I saw
something that stood out at me. It was an advertisement for Christian Singles. I thought
this was unusual for the newspaper and it caught my attention. And sure enough as I
looked, I found two advertisements for single Christians. Something inside me began to
wonder if God was talking to me.
I then picked up another newspaper, which was a free local distribution
and out of interest looked to see if they had any single sections. I couldn’t believe
my eyes. They also had one for Single Christians. I began to seriously wonder whether the
Lord was telling me to join a singles club. But this went against everything I had
expected. I had heard negative stories about singles clubs, and I figured that God was
going to do something a bit more miraculous for me. Besides that meant a bit of work for
me.
During that week I could not get the idea out of my mind. So as the
weekend drew near I picked up the latest edition of our local paper and checked again to
see if there was an advert for Christian singles. There was no sign of anything close to
it. I then started to seriously consider the fact that it was God who had led me to find
the previous ads. I felt strongly drawn to the first advertisement I had read, and I
called the people to find out how they worked.
After a long talk with the husband of the woman who ran it I found that
this couple did this as a ministry and had put many different Christian couples together.
I was convinced I needed to go see them. And when I did they gave me several suitable
young women to contact. I took these home and sat down on my bed reviewing each one,
asking God to direct me. I didn’t just want to find someone to go on a date with. If
this was of God, then one of these women had to be my wife. But which one?
It was very easy to see which one was the most suitable, and as I
prayed the Lord confirmed to me that she was to be the one. She had written on her resume
that she wanted to marry a pastor and go into ministry. As I looked at some of the other
things she had said about herself, several of the other qualities I had asked for were
already evident.
So I picked up the phone and called. It was a nerve-wracking
experience. I had not done this in years. And to make things worse, there was no answer.
Daphne had been outside in the outbuildings speaking to someone else and did not hear the
call. I wondered if I heard the Lord right. So I tried another number. It was occupied, so
I figured that maybe I shouldn’t be calling that one. Then I tried another number and
it just rang. I went back and tried Daphne’s number and it was engaged. Now I knew
that she was home.
The final call a while later ended everything. Or should I say, it
started everything. We immediately felt comfortable with each other and spoke for a long
time. My children told me afterwards that they were eavesdropping at the door, and they
said it sounded like we had known each other for years. Daph has told you the rest of the
story. It did not take long to know that we were the perfect match for each other and the
closest that could be found to both our desires.
I proposed to her two days after we met, with a carnation, a small gift
and a huge Valentine card, in which I had written my proposal as a poem. It was the most
exciting and romantic time of my life. The Lord honored His promise. He gave me the best.
He gave me everything I asked for in a wife. I just wished I had known some of these
principles at the beginning when I was still young and single. I could have been spared so
many years of pain.
